I sometimes look at my life and see a puzzle that is always missing one piece.
I laugh because that is how it always ended up when I was putting a puzzle together with my kids.
Whether it was the dog jumping onto the puzzle and sending pieces flying through the air, sometimes down into the register to be consumed by the hot, dusty chasm known as the heat duct, being swallowed by the dog who caused the catastrophe, or vacuumed up the next day because it was hidden under the sofa or some other obscure hiding space, the puzzle was never completed.
That has always seemed to be my life.
Yesterday, I thought I would finally complete just one goal I have had since I was a teenager. I planned on being a published author.
I've had several successful self-published books, but I wanted to be published by a traditional publisher. I wanted to see my name and book on Times Square. I wanted to go to book signings and have people wanting to interview me.
I finally thought I had met my goal when I was offered a book contract. Three thousand dollars later, and an invitation to go to the largest international book fair in Frankfurt, Germany, I was pushed off my cloud of euphoria and onto terra firma, in just one phone call.
I had to give my 'agent' $2500 within 48 hours to pay for a spot at the book fair. My life, my puzzle, was coming undone, and I wasn't trying.
To some, this amount of money may be minuscule, but we are not a part of that 'some'. My husband and I worked hard. We taught our children to work hard for what they want and have fun with their families and their lives together.
Life is just a small amount of time, so why waste it making money when you don't take time to enjoy it?
Money is not the true meaning of life. Love and happiness is the meaning of life.
When I die, no one will sit and dwell on how much we had in the bank. (Unless someone is looking for a huge inheritance; well, then they will be very disappointed.) Our family will gather and have a gigantic party, and remember how much fun we had together.
They will remember how much we loved them and laughed with them.
That is what life is about, isn't it?
This afternoon, I am putting my puzzle together again, but I am finding that I have no lost pieces.
I learned from my first marriage, that people aren't always who they seem to be. I needed to accept people for who they were and not what I wanted them to be.
I learned that my present husband makes me laugh and wants me for me, and we work well together.
I am happy when I am writing and some people enjoy what I write.
If I never am an author who has the next big seller and is on the New York Times best-selling list, that's okay.
I will still be me. I will still have a family and a husband who loves me and believes in me. I will still have friends who like who I am because I'm a crazy old broad. I will still like myself.
Let the puzzle pieces fall where they may, disappointment doesn't kill you, it just gives you the determination to try harder.
So, my life coming undone without trying isn't going to bother me. I may not be an author, but I am a writer. I may not be famous, but my family is here with me. I may not be beautiful or rich, but that doesn't make me important.
My crazy husband still tells me I'm his pretty lady, and that puts all the puzzle pieces back together for me, and my life is no longer coming undone.
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